As we navigate the changes in life as a family, we are discovering God's grace in wonderful and new ways. This morning the Lord ministered to my heart and as is often the case, I found it coming out of a pen onto paper. For what it's worth, it seemed worth sharing.
We are a military family. This is a dawning realization for me. It seems that suddenly, today, the past two years of temporary homes has come crashing onto my weak heart. Perhaps not for the first time nor the last. I want so badly to make a home. the Lord has been showing me the privilege and honor of the place he has given me to be a wife and a mom. For years, he has faithfully been working in me, making me desire more and more to witness to His beauty and truth in the context of this position. At the same time he shows me that I cannot define what that means. I cannot get my head around it, let alone my hands, because of the ever changing environment which has become our lives.
When we left our things, our home and our ideas of "doing life" behind in Colorado, we moved to a friends home nearby. We knew it would be temporary; six months. We were free from the burdens of trying to fix up and settle down. Then we moved to Texas. We knew it would be temporary; 8-9 months. So we settled just a little to get school on for the kids and find some routine in our lives. Then we moved to Guadalajara. We knew it would be temporary; 8 months. There, it was much more difficult to find any idea of "settled", so we never did. We learned to open up our lives more. After Guadalajara, we returned to Texas and we knew it would be temporary but did not know how long we would be there. After about 4 months, we moved here to Juxt. We know this is temporary since we have an invitation and goal of moving to a village. And if/when we get there? It will be temporary. It will not be our home but a borrowed or rented dwelling.
We are a military family. Our earthly dwellings will always be temporary regardless of who holds the deed. As one who has lived in Colo Sprgs, I have known many military wives. I sympathize with military wives and feel so weak in comparison to them. They appear so strong and able to get their families on solid ground quickly. But there is a difference in the earthly military family and the heavenly military family. For the earthly military family, there is in sight (somewhat literally) a place and time in the future when they will settle down and stop moving - or so they hope. They plan for it and define it and this gives them a footing in life. I am tempted to think that one day we too will settle into a home - but today I am advised by the Holy Spirit not to do that. The family that is in the Lord's Army has no earthly place that will ever be their real home.
There may never be a place and time when I can make a home according to that which flows naturally from me - the desire and ability to create, change and enjoy routine and the certainty of my definition of what it means to provide a wholesome, godly life for our children. I desire very much to make a home; for better or worse. But I find that each time I think I might know how to do it, I cannot. Yet I see God doing it. Somehow, (somehow?!) our marriage is stronger than ever. Somehow, the kids are flourishing. I believe God gives these desires for "home" but I am not always sure about what place they ought to take or how they are lived out. What does this mean? I'm pretty sure it means I die. I die to every earthly, human definition of what it means to be a godly woman, a wife, a mom - all of it. I die to the ingrained ideas of security in permanency and routine. And I live in the permanency of Christ even though I can't see his "routine" or even my own feet at times. So I die to self and live for Christ. But I don't really know how to do that either! But I am willing. I trust my merciful Jesus will do the work in me. We fight a war that has been won. And our retirement home is already paid for. We are a military family in the Lords Army.
Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me to glory.
- Ruben & Deb
- I met Jesus in March 1997 and soon after I began the practice of writing things down that were happening in my life with the Lord. Over the years, in the rare times that I have looked back into older journals, I have found that the things the Lord was showing me then are the same things He is showing me now. This does not make them less helpful, on the contrary, it makes them more helpful. God is exactly who He says He is and is doing all that He said He would. We need to be reminded of God and His faithfulness. The intention of this blog is to encourage God's people to continue and to grow in their confidence in Jesus Christ. The things posted here are from my journal and are meant to be an example of God's love and help as He loves and helps me. I would expect that you would have reason to trust Jesus Christ with your life (and death) if you haven't heard about Him so I invite you to go to my page "About Jesus" to see why you can and should have every confidence in Jesus and Jesus only for all things.