As we navigate the changes in life as a family, we are discovering God's grace in wonderful and new ways. This morning the Lord ministered to my heart and as is often the case, I found it coming out of a pen onto paper. For what it's worth, it seemed worth sharing.
We are a military family. This is a dawning realization for me. It seems that suddenly, today, the past two years of temporary homes has come crashing onto my weak heart. Perhaps not for the first time nor the last. I want so badly to make a home. the Lord has been showing me the privilege and honor of the place he has given me to be a wife and a mom. For years, he has faithfully been working in me, making me desire more and more to witness to His beauty and truth in the context of this position. At the same time he shows me that I cannot define what that means. I cannot get my head around it, let alone my hands, because of the ever changing environment which has become our lives.
When we left our things, our home and our ideas of "doing life" behind in Colorado, we moved to a friends home nearby. We knew it would be temporary; six months. We were free from the burdens of trying to fix up and settle down. Then we moved to Texas. We knew it would be temporary; 8-9 months. So we settled just a little to get school on for the kids and find some routine in our lives. Then we moved to Guadalajara. We knew it would be temporary; 8 months. There, it was much more difficult to find any idea of "settled", so we never did. We learned to open up our lives more. After Guadalajara, we returned to Texas and we knew it would be temporary but did not know how long we would be there. After about 4 months, we moved here to Juxt. We know this is temporary since we have an invitation and goal of moving to a village. And if/when we get there? It will be temporary. It will not be our home but a borrowed or rented dwelling.
We are a military family. Our earthly dwellings will always be temporary regardless of who holds the deed. As one who has lived in Colo Sprgs, I have known many military wives. I sympathize with military wives and feel so weak in comparison to them. They appear so strong and able to get their families on solid ground quickly. But there is a difference in the earthly military family and the heavenly military family. For the earthly military family, there is in sight (somewhat literally) a place and time in the future when they will settle down and stop moving - or so they hope. They plan for it and define it and this gives them a footing in life. I am tempted to think that one day we too will settle into a home - but today I am advised by the Holy Spirit not to do that. The family that is in the Lord's Army has no earthly place that will ever be their real home.
There may never be a place and time when I can make a home according to that which flows naturally from me - the desire and ability to create, change and enjoy routine and the certainty of my definition of what it means to provide a wholesome, godly life for our children. I desire very much to make a home; for better or worse. But I find that each time I think I might know how to do it, I cannot. Yet I see God doing it. Somehow, (somehow?!) our marriage is stronger than ever. Somehow, the kids are flourishing. I believe God gives these desires for "home" but I am not always sure about what place they ought to take or how they are lived out. What does this mean? I'm pretty sure it means I die. I die to every earthly, human definition of what it means to be a godly woman, a wife, a mom - all of it. I die to the ingrained ideas of security in permanency and routine. And I live in the permanency of Christ even though I can't see his "routine" or even my own feet at times. So I die to self and live for Christ. But I don't really know how to do that either! But I am willing. I trust my merciful Jesus will do the work in me. We fight a war that has been won. And our retirement home is already paid for. We are a military family in the Lords Army.
Ps 73:23
Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me to glory.
1 comment:
Thank you for your post. I will be praying for you that God will continue to fulfill and mold and shape your desire to have a home and bless your family with it.
I was reading in 2 Corinthians this morning, at about the same time you posted this. I want to share some of it with you:
2 Cor 5:1-5 ESV, "For we know that if the tent that is our earthly home is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. For in this tent we groan, longing to put on our heavenly dwelling, if indeed by putting it on we may not be found naked. For while we are still in this tent, we groan, being burdened--not that we would be unclothed, but that we would be further clothed, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. He who has prepared us for this very thing is God, who has given us the Spirit as a guarantee."
I know this is about our body, but I think it applies to our desire for a permanent home, too.
Don't be discouraged! "He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it." 1 Thess 5:24 ESV.
Love in Christ,
Ellen D
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